


Everything is as it should be

by Seraskunk



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Angst, Car Accident, Depression, Equius is dead, F/M, Fake Relationship, Hospitals, How Do I Tag, Humanstuck, Overdose, Partying, Rave, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Stress, Vriska is a hoe, at first, crazy hair colours, davekat - Freeform, dead nana, idk yet, seriously i hate her, so is horuss, will this be sad?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:45:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8393098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraskunk/pseuds/Seraskunk
Summary: John and Nepeta grew up together, same town, same school. middle school brought changes that caused a dumb nerd to study and worry about a normally happy girl. high school brings up traumatic events that was said to be in the past. an unlikely friendship occurs and with it angst. why was he drawn to the basement? he had no idea what was in store.





	1. Let's Start From the Beginning:

**Author's Note:**

> Look, its my first fic on here! and of my otp at that. im just kinda going with the flow i had no reason to write this, other than my internet being down and me needing something to do. i'll try to update as much as possible.

I remember the first change. The first time I noticed her do something that changed her in my head completely. She had hair down to her lower back. Long, beautiful, dark brown hair. The next day it barely brushed her shoulders. We were in middle school, maybe. It was when I started watching her from afar.  


She smiled more. It wasn’t unlike her to smile, but this was excessive. There were times I would watch her in whatever class we had together. She would look so distant and depressed at one point, like she would be staring right through her desk and into the next realm, but suddenly she would blink and shake her head. It was barely noticeable unless you watched her hair sweep across her high cheekbones. Then, she was all smiles, occasionally switching back and forth.  


Once we got into high school, she took on a darker look. She wore an army green every day. Something was always that army green on her. Everything else, however, was not. It was black, or grey. She had a connection with army green. It was the only thing I could figure since she wore it every day. Perhaps it was just her favorite color. She also dyed her hair black, for whatever reason, and became reclusive of other people.  


Our sophomore year, she missed three weeks in a row. I remember I went to her mother’s job and asked about her and her mother told me she would be back in a few days. Her mother was the most recognized, and the only, veterinarian in our piss-poor excuse for a town. Everyone knew her, and she knew everyone who had a pet. A few days later, she was back, she didn’t seem happier at all. In fact she seemed miserable, almost like inside she was slowly fading away. I noticed she wore a bright blue diamond shaped pendant. It was obviously handmade, but it went well with the army green she always wore.  


Junior year there was a note in my locker. Seemingly simple, without much meaning. I rarely used my locker, unless we were doing projects, and that was one of those weeks. It had a phone number scribbled on it in a bright blue marker. I didn’t question it and put it in my pocket. I told myself that I would text or call the number later. I remember when I was watching her, she looked over at me and smiled. It was the first time in a couple years I had seen her smile.  
I texted the number later that night. And I got a reply almost instantly. Simply: “:33> good I didn’t know if you would get my note or not” and that’s when I knew, she had given me her number. I can almost recall how much my stomach twisted. I was so nervous after that; I don’t think I ever initiated any conversations with her.  


Our senior year of high school, we had grown to be good friends. We talked every day and it was rare there was a weekend that went by that we didn’t spend at least one day together. Sometimes, I could tell something was wrong, but she always insisted she was okay. I would press her and ask if she was upset about something and she would grab that handmade pendant and say: “no, everything is as it should be”. I wanted her to open up to me about everything before our senior year, but she wouldn’t. She would tell me it was in the past and what happened wasn’t affecting her now.  


Our first day of spring break I went to her house, the door was unlocked, it normally was when I was coming over but it felt off somehow. I was drawn to go to her basement. I didn’t know why because she was never in her basement, but there was a strong sense of urgency that drew me to the door of the basement. I opened the door and walked down the stairs, rounding the corner I could hear the television was on. I didn’t even know they had a tv in their basement. I walked towards the couch, when my body went cold. I froze and all I could hear was a ringing in my ears that wouldn’t stop. I jumped over the black leather loveseat in the middle of the room and knelt over her body. I rolled her to her side and noticed a little orange bottle in her hand. I pulled out my phone and called for an ambulance. The man on the other side of the phone tried to calm me down, but to no avail. I rode to the hospital with her, her mother came in crying and yelling. They had to put her in a room by herself because she was unable to be calmed down. I sat outside the emergency room she was in. I could hear the machine they used to pump her stomach. It made me sick and I vomited on the floor. I cleaned it up for the nurses and continued sitting outside the door listening to the heart monitor. It kept me happy to know her heart was still beating. When a nurse walked in and back out of the room to tell me she was awake, I let out a sigh of relief. I stood and walked into her room.  


She smiled at me. I knew she didn’t want to talk about it. But I needed to know what was going on. I sat in the chair next to her and asked her why she tried to overdose. She told me she wasn’t trying to. I argued with her for the first time since we started talking. I yelled at her. She yelled back. I left. And that brings us to the present.


	2. Bitches and Hoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitches and hoes are like new clothes, once you bought them, you wish you never got them  
> ~some thing i heard somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i had yesterday off work and i was all 'lol I'm gonna slack off and maybe write some' and this happened

All I ever wanted was to be close to her. And what does she go and do? FUCKING OVERDOSE! I pressed my hands against my ears, as I walked in the warm California air. No, she just wasn’t ready to talk about it. Yes, she was, I gave her plenty of chances to tell me something was wrong and she never did. I can’t blame her for it. Yes, I can. I screamed in the parking lot and fell to my knees. I didn’t know how to feel anymore. I could feel the tears running down my face. I cared so much about her and I almost lost her. How could I be such an asshole to her right now? It wasn’t what she needed; she needed someone to be there for her. Not to judge her, or push her to say anything. If I don’t ask questions, how do I help her? How do I help a girl who won’t let herself be helped? I ran my hands through my hair. She needs someone to be there for her no matter what. I was that person, but then I just ran off and left her after yelling about how she should have told me what was going on.

I stood up and ran back to the hospital. I pulled the doors open and jogged down the hall to the emergency room she was in. I knocked on the door, all that I could hear was silence. I opened the door and looked at the girl on the bed in front of me. She stared out the window.

“why did you come back?” I could see her eyes dart towards my reflection in the window then back to her own.

“because I was being an asshole”

“at least you know it.” She had traded her normal voice to sound monotoned, rather than how it normally sounded. It sounded how she forced it to sound at school when she would try to hide herself from everyone. She hasn’t used that voice with me since our junior year.

“Nepeta, I’m sorry. I was just mad because I wanted you to be honest with me and I felt like you didn’t trust me enough to tell me anything that I felt was my right to know, and it isn’t. it’s your right to tell me if you feel like you trust me enough to tell me. I shouldn’t have yelled at you”

“damned right you shouldn’t have” I sighed. Tears were still coming down my face and I walked to the side table by her bed to grab a tissue. I wiped away my tears and threw the tissue in the wastebin. 

“look I want to fix this, I shouldn’t have been so pushy, you don’t need someone to force you to trust them, you need someone to be there whenever you need it. And that’s what I want to do. I want to be there whenever you need it, not push you into telling me what’s bothering you”

“how am I even supposed to trust you now?” her voice was breaking. I looked at her reflection in the window. Tears ran down her face. I held the box of tissues out to her. She took one.

“I don’t expect you to. I don’t know why I did in the first place. I should have never expected anything from you”

“what if I never trust you?”

“that’s your choice, and I will respect that. Even if I die without you trusting me” she laughed.

“well, I hope it happens before that”

“me too” I stood by her awkwardly. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t look at her; I didn’t want to see her crying.

“Nepeta?!” I turned towards the door to see her mother standing there. Her cheeks were still flushed from crying and her hair was frizzed where she must have been messing with it while she waited. Her chest heaved possibly from running, she looked exhausted. She looked as if she had run across the country just to see her daughter and then find out she almost died.

“mom, are you okay?” she laughed. Not a happy laugh, you could tell it was forced.

“as okay as I can be knowing that you almost overdosed again” again? This has happened before? Why was she being so secretive about everything going on? Did she know she was hurting the people around her? “I thought we were past all of this. I thought you were doing better”

“I am, I swear” her voice was higher. Was she like a voice actress or something? Because she already sounded happier, though I knew she wasn’t.

“Nep, I know you aren’t okay. It’s okay to not be happy all the time, but you can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what will happen if one day someone doesn’t find you in time. I can’t lose you too” too? This has happened more than once? Who else committed suicide in their family?

“you act like I didn’t lose anyone. You act like you’re the only one who lost someone important”

“wait...” I shouldn’t have interjected. I should have stayed quiet or left. “who did you lose?”  
They sighed. At the same time. It freaked me out a little.

“I lost my best friend” I was looking at her now. The face she had just a few minutes ago that hid all emotion was ripped off. All you could see on her was sadness. Her hair was tangled and frizzed in the back where her head was on the pillow. I hadn’t noticed until just now.

“and I lost mine as well. It was a car accident. Both them and the people in the other vehicle died instantly” her mom looked more exhausted now than when she walked in, like everything was going to shit and she just wanted to sleep it all off. I couldn’t blame her. “they were the strongest people I knew. They could hold us up emotionally, but even at their weakest they were still able to help us through everything we needed help with”

Both were crying, and I felt like I should hug them. I felt like I needed to do something, anything, to help. I didn’t want them to feel like I was trying to replace what they lost because I would never do that. I opted for patting their backs, they smiled and we carried on decent conversations until Nepeta was released.

Going back to my house wasn’t a long walk, in fact, it was extremely short. Nepeta liked about 10 minutes away from my house by walking, so I barely got through 3 songs on my iPod before I got to my front yard where someone was waiting for me. Whoever it was, they were female in shape, with long hair down to their mid-lower back. Their bangs hid half of their face and they wore glasses.

“hey, nerd” I stopped. Of course, why did I think she of all people would leave me alone so easily?

“what do you want?”

“one: rude. Two: I’m here for my headphones”

“after almost a year, you come to bother me for your headphones?”

“eight months. You know me, I have ‘a fucking weird-ass obsession with eights’”

“I know you do, but why not wait eight weeks?”

“because then you wouldn’t be over me”

“I broke it off with you.”

“yeah, but you missed me”

“if it makes you feel better about yourself, then sure whatever”

“do you have them or not?”

“yeah I gotta go grab them, wait here”

“I’m not staying out here. I got bit by soooooooo many mosquitos”

“that’s your fault, not mine”

“john”

“what?”

“I’m at least going into the living room”

“no you aren’t”

“joooooooohn”

“no it’ll only take a second”

“then I’ll only be in your house for a second”

“stop, you aren’t coming into my house”

“come oooooooon”

“you come on and stay the hell out here”

“fine”

I walked into my house and up the stairs to grab her headphones out of my closet. I descended the stairs into my living room, where she stood at the fireplace looking at my grandma’s urn.

“are you kidding me?”

“what?”

“why did you come in?”

“because I felt like you were being unreasonable”

“how?”

“I was being devoured by like eighty mosquitos”

“that’s a lie and you know it” I held her headphones out to her. She took them and put them in her jacket pocket. “now you have your headphones. Now you can leave”

“nah, I’m pretty tired, I think I’ll stay here for a bit longer”

“I wish you would leave”

“where were you? It’s pretty late don’t you think?”

“why do you care?”

“because I know you and Nepeta have been talking”

“and? She’s my friend”

“are you sure?”

“what are you talking about?”

“has she told you about her depression?”

“yeah, she mentioned it” it wasn’t a lie. She told me she was diagnosed with chronic depression and was on medication for it.

“did she tell you that she went to a mental hospital?”

“we don’t talk about stuff like that” I needed her to stop talking.

“how about her first suicide attempt?” I knew this wasn’t the only one. I didn’t know when her first one was.

“we don’t talk about it”

“why? Isn’t it important?” my anger was reaching its limit. My fists were clenched at my sides.

“don’t you have some poor handicapped kid to treat like shit now?” she sighed. “just leave”

“I’m not going to”

“why? No one wants you here”

“someone does”

“not in my house they don’t”

“john- “

“get out before I force you out”

“whatever, John” she flipped her hair and walked out the front door, slamming it behind her. I was glad my dad wasn’t home for a couple days, he would not appreciate being awoken like that. Why couldn’t Vriska just leave me alone? I pressed my hand to my face. My glasses pressed into the bridge of my nose, not like I cared right now. I went locked the door and then ascended the stairs, making my way to my room for some much-needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate her so much.


	3. Trip? What Trip?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i lost a lot of progress i wasn't able to go back and edit all the mistakes, so please ignore that for now i'll fix them later

I flipped a pancake over and listened to the radio talk show coming through the radio. Something about a celebrity divorce. Not that it surprised me anymore. What celebrities werent being cheated on, or getting divorced anymore. I’m sure its hard to be famous. A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts. i pulled the pancake off the pan and frowned at it. It got burned a little. I turned the fire down on the stove and walked to the door. I looked out the peekhole to see someone with black and white face paint and a baggy purple shirt. I opened the door.  
“Hey, motherfucker, how are ya?” i felt my brows furrow.  
“Im good, and how are you?”  
“As good as i all up and can be” his voice was gravelly and lazy. “I was wondering if you had a phone i could use, i all up and got lost”  
“Sure the landline is in the kitchen”  
“I need to text a motherfucker”  
“Why text?”  
“Motherfucker all up and sealed his motherfucking mouth” i pulled my cell out and handed it to him. “Uhhh what’s your address, bro?” i gave him my address and he typed it out before hitting send and handing me my phone back. “Thanks man i’ll just sit out here on your porch then”  
“I mean, you can come in if you want?”  
“Thanks bro, but i think it’d be better if i stayed out here until the motherfucker comes for me”  
“All right, if you need anything, just let me know”  
A few hours passed, the radio was now playing music and commercials rather than the talk show. I went to the living room window and saw the guy on my porch still. I opened the door and walked out.  
“Hey are you okay?” there was a light snoring coming from him. I checked my phone. The person he texted never replied. I looked down the street and saw Nepeta walking my way. Behind her was a man with a major case of ‘i never brush my hair’ and face paint. He wore a skeleton jacket and purple pants. He definitely wasnt from this side of our town. I hadnt even seen him around before. As Nepeta got closer, i could tell she was irritated.  
She stepped up on my porch and spun on her heel. She motioned to the sleeping man on my porch. The figure pulled a club out of his jacket pocket and put it behind his back, before bending over and placing a hand on the other man. The assumed stoner smiled and stood up. Before walking back the way they all came.  
I turned to Nepeta, who was already making her way into my house. I followed her inside. She turned to me and looked like she was about to blow up in my face.  
“Why have you been telling people we’re dating?”  
“I havent told anyone that, i swear that to you”  
“Then how come i have at least 4 people pestering me about our relationship i didnt know we were in?”  
“I dont know. I feel Vris had a part in it though”  
“Why’s that?”  
“She came by last night and basically interrogated me”  
She threw her arms up. “Of fucking course. Why didnt you tell me?”  
“I didnt think she would lie about me being in a relationship”  
“Well she did, now we have our whole school and friends groups thinking we’re so deeply in love”  
“But we arent? Cant we just tell them its a lie?”  
“I’ve delt with rumors about me all my life, John, trust me, we could do that, but then they would call us the liar and then be all ‘thats not what i heard’ so it would be better to just play along”  
“So youre telling me to act like i’m in a relationship? With you?”  
“No, you dont have to, but they wont believe you if you say otherwise”  
I ran a hand through my hair. She looked up at me and smiled. “Are you hungry?”  
“No, i ate earlier. Thanks though”  
She sat at my kitchen table and flipped through one of the fatherly magazines laying on the table. I cleaned the dishes i was using and put them away. I sat across from her and looked at the book she brought. It was some kind of romance novel.  
“Do you mind if i put my own music on?”  
“Not at all, go for it”  
She plugged her phone into the AUX cord and sat down before any music came through. A sweet melody came out of the speakers. The guy started singing and i could tell who it was, but couldnt place it.  
“Whats the name of this song, Nep?”  
“Stay close, dont go. Its by secondhand serenade”  
“I thought thats who it was by, its very.. Romantic?”  
“Yeah thats Secondhand Serenade for you”  
We listened to it in silence. My face was warm. I looked over at her across the table. Her dark skin looked darker where light from the windows didnt hit it. Her dark green eyes were fixated on the magazine. Her hair was in her face. The little mole under her eye peeking out between 2 strands.  
The next song started playing. I knew this one like the back of my hand. It was one i listened to all the time when i was dating Vriska.  
“I love Get Scared” she chuckled.  
“So do i, this is probably one of my favourite songs they have” i stared at her. She stared back at me before opening her mouth to speak. “So do you have all your stuff to leave in the morning?”  
“Whats in the morning?” she placed a hand on her forhead.  
“The trip to Texas to see my family and your best friend”  
“Oh yeah, i forgot about that”  
“So you’re telling me you aren’t even packed?” i nodded. “Well go get all your stuff packed up, i’ll make myself something to eat and ill be up to help you in a minute”  
I stood and went upstairs to pack a suitcase and a carry on bag. I put my laptop in my carry on along with a spare pair of glasses and a spare change of clothes in case my regular bag got lost.  
“Look you are packing” i looked up at Nepeta, who was biting into a sandwich. “Im impressed that you started” she was joking, of course, the hint of playfulness in her voice gave it away.  
“No, i just thought id shove random shit in a bag, assuming we were gonna go somewhere soon”  
“Well maybe it should be less random” i looked in my closet and back at her and my suitcase.  
“Is it going to be cold in texas?”  
“Very. there might be a blizzard for all we know” i glared at her.  
“No need for sarcasm”  
“John you’re smarter than that. Its spring break, theres no way its gonna be cold”  
“Have you ever seen weather reports online about texas? One day its -35 degres and then the next its like 102 outside”  
“As true as that is, its march. Its not going to be super cold”  
“I’m gonna bring a jacket just in case. And dont tell me you arent, you wear your olive green army jacket thing everywhere” she looked down at said jacket.  
“Thats because its the best accessory, not that you would know Johnny boy”  
“I know it looks super cool and i want one in blue”  
“I dont think they have one in blue”  
“Ill dye it blue”  
“Dye your hair blue”  
“That would be so cool”  
“You should do it. Like a bright blue that glows under blacklight”  
“Only if you dye yours green”  
“Deal”  
We finished packing my bag and went to a walgreens that was only a few blocks away from my house and bought some hair dye. A box of blue and 2 boxes of green.  
My hair was first through the dying process because it was shorter. The bleach delivered a light burn to my scalp, but it wasnt painful or bothersome, so i put up with it. Blonde was a weird colour on me. Nepeta rubbed the blue dye through my hair and wiped what got on my skin away. The foil covering her hair shone in the light of the kitchen. her figure was just a blur in my vision, or rather lack thereof.  
She finished applying the hair dye and went to check her hair. She came back and the shiny foil was gone. Her hair was instead a light blonde that looked almost yellow as it went down. She mixed her hair dye and applied it to her hair, leaving a gap of the yellow behind. It took all of the 2 boxes of green to dye her hair. She changed her gloves again and took the remainder of my hair dye to dye what she had separated from the rest. The way she applied it was so graceful, yet she was highly concentrated on it.  
A cooking timer broke me from my thoughts.  
“Okay go wash all of that out. The water should run clear dont use conditioner. Just shampoo and cold water” i walked to the upstairs bathroom and did as i was asked. After the water was clear i dryed my hair off and put my clothes back on. I put on my glasses and looked at the bright blue my hair now was. It made my eyes look brighter and more vibrant. I took a couple pictures and sent them to my dad before walking back downstairs.  
“It looks so good john holy crap im really impressed”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah and oh my gosh youre eyes look so beautiful with this colour in your hair its like im staring into the ocean!” the blue strand was covered with foil to prevent the green and blue transferring onto each other. We were staring into each others eyes by now. Nepeta opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by the cooking timer. “Well, its my turn to wash my hair” she patted me on the shoulder and walked to my bathroom.  
I sat at the kitchen table and realized her music was still playing. I took my phone from the table and looked through social media. It felt like i had only been on my phone for 5 minutes when Nepeta trotted into the kitchen and sat herself down at the table.  
“Are you happy with how it turned out?” i asked her  
“I think it could have been better, but for the most part im happy with it. How about you?”  
“I think it looks amazing on you” she smiled and giggled.  
“No silly, are you happy with how YOURS turned out”  
“Oh yeah its really nice. Thanks for making me do this”  
“Everyone needs to have a bit of a crazy past. Get some stuff out of their system, like dying your hair a weird colour, getting drunk, going to prom, and going to a rave.  
“Prom seems a little excessive dont you think?” i joked at her.  
“Maybe so” she laughed.  
“But hey, our prom is in a couple months right?”  
“Yeah it is, why?”  
“Well, if we’re gonna play the part we might as well do it right, dont you think?”  
“I mean i guess so, are you asking me to prom Jonathan?”  
“Only if you want to go with me” she laughed  
“We’ll see”  
“So why did our hair need to be UV reactive?”  
“You’ll see a couple days after being in texas”  
I looked back down at my phone. The drone of pandora’s advertisements in the background. My mind wandered. She wants us to pretend we’re in a relationship. Easier said than done right? Like we’d have to act like a happy couple in front of our friends and in public right? Why does she want to play along with it anyways? “Hey” it doesnt make sense to me “John” its really weird she would want to do it this way “earth to John Egbert” i looked over at her. “Do you have everything packed?”  
“Oh yeah its all done”  
“Good”  
“Nepeta i have a question”  
“That was a statement, John” she smirked “but go on”  
“Why do you want to play along with pretending we’re together?”  
“Well, i really dont want to, but its impossible to reason with people who like gossip”  
“I mean i guess so, but like arent we stooping to Vriska’s level by going with it even when she know otherwise?”  
“I dont see it that way, and hopefully she wont either. Hopefully she will see it more like ‘well shit i gave them the push they needed to pursue the relationship’”  
“Do you think itll actually work though?”  
“No clue, but we can make others gossip about it to her right?”  
“I dont know where youre going with this”  
“We’ll change our statuses on social media”  
“You mean post about being in a relationship?”  
“Yeah, change our relationship status, profile picture, the whole nine yards”  
“Alright?”  
“Possibly post pictures we take of eachother with a caption ‘look at my bae being cute af omg too cute’” she laughed at the end of that.  
“All right, lets do it then”  
After about 10 minutes and 100 pictures together later we had fully updated our fake relationship with new profile pictures and all. We chilled until 5:30 when my dad got home and told us about how much he approved of our relationship and our new hair. He then proceeded to baking us a cake and dinner. He also provided us with extra money for the trip. We picked up Nepeta’s stuff that night and brought it over. Where she spent the night. We left the door open all night. At some point we wrapped our arms around each other in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is my longest chapter yet.  
> sorry for it taking so long, been busy along with personal stuff plus i had to get a new comp and lost all progress i had made in the past. hopefully i can update this more often now with longer chapters


	4. Planes and Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mostly a plane trip :0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i realize its been over a year since I last updated this, but I WAS doing it in microsoft word, then it crapped out on me. Hopefully, the muti-chapter update will make up for that since I now have it all on Google Docs.

I woke up to both mine and Nepeta’s alarm clock going off. I went to stretch out my arms, only for one to be asleep. I looked at Nepeta, who was still asleep.  
“Hey, Nep, get up. My arm is dead”  
“Dead and asleep are two different things," she groaned at me.  
“Only by the length of time unconscious”  
“Hey, shut up it's too early for this” she threw an arm over my waist. “Nap time”  
“You were just asleep!”  
“Shoosh. Nap time," she snuggled into my chest.  
“We have to go to the airport”  
“Shit you right,” she pushed me with the arm that she had slung over me. “We need to leave in about an hour, so get ready,” she got up and turned the alarm clocks off, and grabbed her clothes to go change. “Oh yeah, and my cousin is religious, so be sure not to say anything that could be considered blasphemy” she shut my bedroom door behind her as she left towards the restroom.  
“Great, I guess prayer will be required before any and every meal,"  
"not really," and she shut my door behind her.

An hour later we were in my dad’s car on the way to the airport. He gave each of us an extra $200 in cash before we went through security. He had also given me a card that was linked to an account he had started for me after I was born, as well as the login information for the website to check the balance. We had to wait an extra 30 minutes to board the plane.  
“Hey” I looked over at Nepeta, and she took it as a gesture to continue. “Are you good?”  
“Very nervous, I haven't seen Dave in years”  
“Yeah, i'm sure you’re excited though, huh?” she asked.  
“Yeah, it's a weird feeling. I'm scared, but also excited”  
“I used to get on planes all the time” she grabbed her pendant. “It was always so fun”  
“Is that how you knew this airport like the back of your hand?”  
“Yeah, flying isn't too bad, so don't be nervous about that. I personally won't eat before getting on a plane”  
“Now boarding group A for Dallas, Texas,” the airport employee announced. We looked down at our tickets.  
“Group D?” I asked aloud.  
“We’ll be the last group to board”  
Eventually they called group D, and we boarded, we both put our backpacks under the seats in front of us.  
“Hey i’m gonna go to sleep after we get in the air. I didn't sleep well last night” she looked up at me.  
“Oh okay”  
“If the flight attendants come by, I want orange juice and a cookie sounds awesome, so wake me up”  
“Alright”  
We chatted for a bit before take off. The captain came on the overhead speakers, and said something about a movie, weather, and flight attendants. The plane started moving, and I looked out the window. We were backing up. I didn't know planes went in reverse. We eventually got over to the runway and it got louder inside the plane. It was a whirring sound that disturbed me. I could feel my muscles tense up. I was gripping my knee tightly. It suddenly doesn't seem safe to be in a heavy ball of tinfoil to get up to 700 or more miles per hour just to go into the air.  
“John?” I couldn't stop looking out the window, even though I wanted to. I felt a hand on mine. I looked over at Nepeta, and my head was forced into the headrest, as the plane took off to get up to speed. I immediately looked out the window. The airport was going by so quickly. My stomach lifted and my ears popped. We had gotten off the ground! I looked down and saw the grass. The trees in the distance got shorter. Cars shrank. It was beautifully terrifying. I kept looking out the window. It suddenly got foggy.  
“We’re about to come out of the top of clouds, you’ll love how beautiful it is, john, it's truly amazing how much we take them for granted”  
The window was cleared of the clouds. My eyes widened. I had only seen photos of things like this, but seeing it in person was truly amazing. It was like a blanket of snow covering miles of pillows. The blue sky was great in contrast to it all. I looked back at Nepeta, who was smiling.  
“Dont worry, I was scared when I rode in a plane the first time too” she looked past me. “You’ll be able to see the ground, soon”  
I looked back out the window as the clouds began to clear, so I could see the ground.  
I can honestly say, that was the shortest 3 hours of my life.  
We landed, grabbed our things and exited the plane after we landed. We walked to baggage claim, where we were greeted by Nepeta’s cousins. They looked like twins. Both slightly taller than Nepeta. The one with curly hair taller than the one with straight hair.  
“John these are my cousins, KankrI and Karkat”  
“Uhm, who is who?” I asked  
“Basically Karkat wears black and grey, shorter, straight hair, and angry”  
“Shut the fuck up, catgirl” Karkat responded.  
“Language, Karkat. I’m Kankri, it is good to meet you, John, was it?”  
“Yeah, good to meet you guys as well”  
“Well, follow us to the car, and we’ll take you to the house, and you can make yourselves comfortable” KankrI gave Nepeta a smile, before turning around and leading us to the car, which was less of a car and more of an SUV. We put our bags in the back and proceeded to a place called Saginaw. Texas has weird names for places.


	5. Deceit With a Dash of 'Huh?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck these summaries dude  
> (i am having a hard time getting the formatting down, but hopefully i can fix that soon)

Karkat scowled at me the whole time we were in the living room, apparently he was a year younger than Nepeta and I; How someone could be so angry is beyond me. KankrI came out of the kitchen and handed me a cup of frozen hot chocolate, which was basically a hot chocolate slushie. He carried on talking to me and shooting glares at Karkat when he would input something rude or otherwise inappropriate. I found that KankrI was almost 4 years older than Nepeta and I, and soon to finish his final year in law school.  
Nepeta plopped down next to me. She put her arm across my shoulders.   
“So Karkitty, when is your boyfriend gonna show up?” she asked Karkat  
“Who fucking knows, for an insufferable prick, he’s very consistent and punctual”  
“Wow, if he’s so horrible, why don’t you end it?” I asked him.  
“Because he isn’t actually that bad, John, don’t you get it?” I looked at Nepeta who was smiling. “I mean look at how happy he actually is! He acts like a sour puss, but you can see in his eyes how happy he is”  
Suddenly, Karkat got off the couch and went to the front door, looking out the peephole. There was a knock on the door and after a minute, he opened the door. He pushed his way outside, before shutting the door behind himself.  
KankrI sighed, and moved to the window. He took a sip from the mug in his hand, before continuing to stare out the window. “he ‘s kind of full of himself”  
I looked to him. “What?”  
“Dave. he’s kind of full of himself. I don’t like the possible influence he has on Karkat”  
I got up and rushed to the window. Platinum blonde hair and pale skin in front of the angsty teen. I took the whole sidestep to the door and swung it open.  
“Dave?!” he turned around.  
“John?” he put his fist out for me to bump, to which I did. “Bro what’s been going on? How do you know Karkat”  
“Dude, get this! So he’s totally Nepeta’s cousin!”  
“Shit yourself! For real?” he looked to Karkat then back to me. “Dude, bring her out here! I gotta meet the lucky chick”  
“Why don't we just go inside?”  
“Well, KankrI doesn't really like me. I'm way more comfortable out here”  
I went inside and coaxed nepeta outside with me. I introduced her to Dave.  
“Oh hey John, there's this party in downtown Dallas tonight, you down?”   
“Oh hecks yeah!”  
“Dave, I don't think he would do good at that kind of party” Karkat spoke up.  
“Shit babe, you almost sound concerned” Karkat shrugged it off.  
“Nepeta is, but seriously, I don't think ‘johnny boy’ can handle it. Honestly, does he even know how to party. Who the fuck wears a ghostbusters shirt in this fucking generation?” Karkat poked the green slime on my abdomen to emphasise his point.  
“Okay so, he's a nerd, so are you. Look I can get him some stuff to wear, and he’ll fit right in. how does that sound?” Karkat looked to Dave then back to me.  
“I seriously doubt he can fucking handle it, but I fucking guess I’ll trust you know what you’re doing. I’m gonna go grab a few things, I’ll be back” and with that Karkat walked inside.  
“Don’t worry, he takes some getting used to. He's actually a tiny teddy bear”  
“Tiny teddy bear ‘cause he’s so short?” Nepeta elbowed my comment.  
“I’m shorter than he is!”   
“Dave, help?”  
“Nah you got yourself in that one” he started whistling. An annoying habit of his. And only really annoying because I have no idea how to do it. He stopped. “Hey that reminds me, when did you get so tall? Like bro you’re almost as tall as that greaser that comes around here”  
“Greaser? What greaser?” Nepeta and I asked.  
“Oh yeah it's y'all's first day here. So there's some greaser that comes over. Not often, but he brings a guitar and rides a crotch rocket and he looks hispanic, but I don't think he is. Has kind of a boston accent, too like this deep in the U S of A? Don't know why he comes over, but he seems determined or something. I mean I could ask Karkat who he is. I’m sure he would know,” Dave trailed off and bit his lip thoughtfully. “Anyways, what were you also a football player? You’re bulk a f dude” did he literally just say af?  
“I was for a short time, like one season, after that I went into soccer and tennis”  
“Shit, you any good?”  
“Not at football, or soccer. Tennis I am though”  
“I bet you have a killer serve”  
“My passing shot is better than my serve”  
“Dude, legit” he put his fist out for another bump. We continued talking for awhile before Karkat came back out. Dave and Karkat left together after getting my sizes for my clothes and shoes. Which was incredibly strange. Nepeta and I went back into the house and sat on the couch.  
“They’re happy together you know?” she looked at me and smiled.  
“Karkat doesn’t seem happy”   
“Trust me, he is. In fact, i’ve never seen him happier”  
“Nep, do you know what kind of party we’ll be going to tonight?”  
“I have a vague idea, but I have no clue in all honesty”  
We sat in the living room talking to Kankri, until he left for school. After he left Nepeta and I scavenged for food and played video games.  
“You know they aren’t really my cousins right?” I looked at her.  
“Karkat and Kankri?” she nodded. “But I thought-”  
“We said that so that way they could inherit our aunt’s house after she had died. They’re actually my brothers. My aunt had adopted them as their own after our father died, they stayed here because KankrI didn't want to leave Texas and Karkat didn't want to leave Kankri. I mean at the time anyways. Now all he wants to do is leave Kankri”  
“But if she left the house to them why did you even have to call them your cousins?”  
“My mom thought it would be easier that way, since it was such a complicated situation for children to handle”  
“I guess that makes sense, but my question was more of why do you still call them that?” she put her controller down for a moment, after I asked and stared at the plush grey rug we were sitting on.  
“I dunno. I guess it just simply became a habit I developed?”  
“Okay, I was just curious” we sat in silence for awhile. I thought about everything we had been through together the past couple years.I never thought to ask her how she’s been doing since she overdosed. She seemed to be doing fine, she looked as though her emotions were shown to me in a genuine way. Maybe she has been doing better since starting therapy, or maybe she got better at hiding it.  
I looked at her exposed arms. She never cut there. Never. She didn't want people to know what she was feeling, and how she was coping. That's not to say there aren't scars there. She has scars, but they resemble burn scars. They circle both her wrists like bracelets.  
“Hey” I looked up at he. I didn't realize I was staring at her.  
“Oh sorry I was just.. Thinking”   
“Thinking about what?” she looked concerned.   
“Thinking about the past. How much I would like to go back and change things”  
“It's impossible to do. You have to move on. Thinking about what would have happened if you went back in time to change things would only be counterproductive. It makes you feel worse, trust me,”  
“But what if there was a way to go back?”  
“Why would you want to? We’re all here at this point because that's what the universe wants” I looked into her green eyes. She was fully concerned, but she wasn't sad. There was no sadness in her eyes at this moment. All I saw was happiness and concern.  
At that moment the front door opened. And I moved away from her, I didn't even realize how close I was to her. Dave and Karkat walked in clothes and shoes in hand. With a few random bags.  
“John, have you fucking showered yet?!” I never realized how loud Karkat was until now. I blinked at him. “I’m going to take that as a no. go take a fucking shower”  
I got up and walked to the bathroom. I showered quickly. When I had finished, I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked back to the living room. Dave and Karkat took me to the guest room where I tried on item after item. Tight pants. Baggy shirts. Tight shirts. Baggy pants. Accessories galore. What kind of party were we going to? I decided against asking since Dave would pull some kind of bullshit and not tell me anyways.  
Eventually, and by eventually I mean like an hour or so later, we all finally came to an agreement on what I was going to wear to this party. I was wearing a neon blue tank top and a pair of tight black jeans with chains hanging on them. I had on a pair of blue converse as well. I opted out on a hat and Dave forced a pair of sunglasses to me. Karkat went to work putting neon tape on my jeans, and Dave added bracelets and necklaces on me. Dave violently shook my arms to be sure the bracelets wouldn't fall off.  
“Dude, I know you don't like the idea of the shades, but trust me, you’ll need them in the morning” I looked to Karkat for help, but he was busy texting on his phone. Dave attached like 3 belts to me before announcing that I was a finished masterpiece, and shoving me out into the hallway. I walked passed the bathroom and took note that the light was on. I knocked on the door and nepeta announced she was in there. I walked to the living room. The chains were kind of annoying, but I could get used to them.  
It wasn't horribly long until Dave and Karkat came out to the living room dressed similarly to myself. When Karkat passed the bathroom he told Nepeta they were all done in the guest room and she could get her ass in there and hurry up, and it wasn't long before she was out of the bathroom. We sat around waiting for her for 35 minutes before she walked out of the guest room and into the living room.  
She was wearing short shorts, and a flowy neon crop top. She had bracelets galore and necklaces and a pair of cat ears attached to her head. She had clear plastic wires taped all over her body and a pair of black converse with neon tape all over them.  
“It's about fucking time, let's go. We should have left fucking sooner than this” Nepeta glared at Karkat.   
“Well, now we can go. I’m finished and he's finished too” and with that she ushered everyone out and to the street.  
“Hey!” we all turn to look at some guy with black slicked back hair and a guitar. He was standing next to his motorcycle, looking directly at Karkat. “Is your brother here?”  
“No, you fucking creep, he’s at school. Why don't you go get an education and talk to him then?!” the guy looks down, slings his guitar onto his back and gets back on his bike before driving off. We all get into the car and drive to wherever the fuck this party is supposed to be at.  
“What kind of party are we going to anyways?” I finally asked.  
“Oh you know, the kind where people have the most fun” Dave responded. “Basically a rave”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, the next chapter will be all about the Rave. I'm sort of basing these off my own personal experiences i guess?  
> in case you're wondering Saginaw, texas is a real place. its not horribly far outside of the DFW area.


	6. Raves and Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:   
> Drug and Alcohol use  
> Trippy shit  
> Dancing  
> Alcoholic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so thats it for the multi-update, but im working on some more chapters, and hopefully ill be able to update it more often than i had been.

We pull into a parking garage, across from where the rave is supposed to be held. I’m doing my best not to freak out. I've never been to a rave, and I never really desired going. Dave would tell me about getting sick and the drugs and everything and as much as he enjoyed it, I never wanted to put myself in the position to find out first hand what happens at raves. Now here I am, about to experience what happens first hand at a rave.  
We all get out of the car. I walk around to Nepeta and pull her aside. “Hey did you know we were coming to a rave?” I asked her.  
“Like I said I had a vague idea we were, but I wasn't sure”  
“Have you ever been to one of these before?”  
“Well, yeah, are you okay? I’m sure Karkat has something to help you calm down”  
“Are you saying drugs are what I need?”  
“No, i'm saying you're incredibly tense and need to chill. I was worried at my first rave, but it'll be a lot of fun, trust me. Just try to stop overthinking this, if you need me, i’ll be easy to find,” she reached into her pocket and then all the plastic tubing taped to her body lit up in a vivid green. She smiled before grabbing my hand and taking me to where Karkat and Dave were waiting for us.   
While waiting in line, Karkat handed us our passes to get in. I looked at mine and furrowed my brows. I looked at Dave. He leaned over to me and whispered, “hey you feeling okay?” I shook my head. “Bro, I got you. Trust me and take half of the long one now, and half later,” he handed me a small bag with a couple pills in it.  
“What is this?”  
“Doesn't matter. Half now. Half later” he pointed at my water bottle. I opened the bag and pulled out the long pill, broke it in half and took it. I looked at Dave who seemed pleased. “Now put the bag in your pocket. If you aren't having a good time, take the round one”  
“Dave, do you know how sketchy this sounds?” I put the bag into my pocket.  
“Yeah, but do you trust me? Do you trust Nepeta? If so, take it if you feel this rave is lame. Keep an eye on your drink at all times, and keep your distance from the glow stickers”  
“Glow Stickers?”  
“yeah, you’ll know who they are when you see them. Also, don't let anyone know you have that bag” he showed the gatekeeper his pass and was ushered in. when we were all in the venue, I stuck by Nepeta for the first hour. My nerves calmed down and I was moving about the dancing bodies and talking to people id never met before.  
I moved to the back of the venue where some tents were set up. A girl came up to me. Blonde hair, plus sized, showing signs of inebriation. She was wearing a bright pink bra and a pair of white short shorts. She had fishnets on under her shorts, goggles on her head, and a plastic cup in hand. “Heeeey, you're super cute,” she slurred at me and leaned on me. Moving her cup to battle the alcohol from spilling out. “Thirsty? I can help” I nodded at her and she left and came back with a green, blue and white drink. “Drink this, it's called an alien brain hemmorage, you look like you can handle it”  
“I’ve, uh, never drank before”   
“Oh, okay, so like you totally gotta-” and she put her cup to her bright pink lips and turned the cup up, downing it in one go.  
“Oh well, okay cool” I put the cup to my lips and downed it. I barely tasted it. It had a hint of berry and alcohol.  
“Hell yeah! Want another?”  
“Yeah, that would be great” she left and came back with 3 more cups of alcohol.   
“Here babe all for you. The faster you drink them the harder and faster they'll hit you, so be careful” she patted me on the shoulder, winked at me, then walked away. I looked at the 3 drinks in my arms, put one in my hand and drank it, then another, then the last. I made my way to what looked like a metal barrel trash can and threw the empty cups away. I moved to the wall closest to me and leaned against it. My brain felt fuzzy and I felt a bit unsteady. I spotted Nepeta making her way to me.  
“John, are you okay?”  
“I’m more than okay, I feel great, like hey, why was I so worried?” I put my hand on her shoulder. “This rave is lame,” the weight of the bag in my pocket began to bother me. “Hey, stay here, i’ll be right back” I walked over to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I pulled the bag out of my pocket and pulled the circular tablet out. It had a star stamped on it. “You look like fun,” I whispered. I took the pill and reattached my water bottle to my hip. I put the bag in my pocket again, and walked out of the bathroom. Nepeta was at the same spot I saw her last, so I staggered over to her.  
“Better?” I nodded at her. “So you wanna dance with your ‘girlfriend’?” she used air quotes around girlfriend.and smiled.  
“Hell yes, I could never say no to that opportunity” she smiled and took my hand, pulling me to the dance floor. If you could even call it that. It was most of the venue, after all. When she stopped I pulled her against me. “You know, I’ve never danced before”  
“What really? Here let me..” she took my hands and put them on her hips. She put her hands above her and started swaying. “Just let the music move you,”   
“I dunno how”  
“Just feel it, don't listen, just let it in” she turned her back to me and moved with the beat. I listened to the beat. It was in tune with my heart, or maybe I could just feel it in my chest, I wasn’t really sure. I could feel the beat moving to my arms. I pulled her closer to me and suddenly I was taken over. Our bodies moved in together in a weird way, that normally would have made me anxious, but I felt excited. My mind was becoming disoriented. She moved gracefully against my body. My hand slowly slid down to the bare skin on her thighs.  
Oh my god her skin is so soft. I bent down and put my head on top of hers. Her hair was soft against my skin. My clothes were soft, everything felt so good. The music was better than I originally thought. She was beautiful I was beautiful, everything is beautiful at that moment. He turned back to face me. I looked in her eyes as she danced against me. She looked up at me, and in that moment, I swear the world stopped. I had never felt so emotionally connected to someone.   
“You’re perfect” she smiled, faintly blushing.  
“I’m not” she told me.  
“Yes, you are. You’re so amazing and so perfect”. The bodies around us pushed us closer. She barely came up to my chest. I held her closer to me. I felt a hand on me. I turned to see Karkat glaring at me. Wow, everything was softer. Almost as if my senses were heightened.  
“What are you doing?” he asked me.  
“I’m dancing” he raised an eyebrow. “You wanna dance with me too?”  
“No, dumbfuck. I want you to sober up before you vomit all over her”  
“I would never. She's so precious and perfect. And you’re so concerned for her it's beautiful” his eyes widened like he suddenly understood something I couldn't comprehend.  
“John, be fucking honest with me. Did Dave give you a bag of medicine?”  
“Yeah, help me chill out. He did tell me not to say anything though, but I guess it's too late. Dave is great, he takes care of his best bro” Karkat nodded and made his way through the crowd, and out of sight.  
“Wow he’s so caring” I looked back at Nepeta, her brows were furrowed.  
“Did you take the medicine he gave you?” she asked me. I took her hand and gently led her out of the crowd surrounding us. After getting somewhere as away from people as possible, and also quieter, I turned back to her.  
“Not all of it, I took half a long rectangular pill and some round capsule with a star stamped on it” she sighed at me.  
“And I saw you down 4 alien brain hemorrhages, do you have any idea how bad that is?”  
“No, but I feel great. Like everything is perfect and you’re perfect” I reached out to touch her and she pulled away from me, from the corner of my vision I saw the blonde girl who gave me the drinks.  
“I thought you meant it when you said it the first time, now I know you don't,” she turned and went into the sea of bodies. Her green hair with the single blue streak glowing under the blacklights. The blonde girl made her way over to me.   
“Heey, you good?” I could tell she was still drunk.  
“Nah, but i’ll be good in a hot minute, I think”  
“Let me help you out,” she walked over to the tent and came back and handed me a drink. “It's not a brain hemorrhage, but it's still good as shit” I took a drink of it. This was filled to the brim. It was a light blue colour. It tasted different, but not bad. I could taste the alcohol, but it wasn't overpowering. I must admit, I drank it quickly.


End file.
